they hadn’t seen me cry in a while, not since my first break-up. that’s probably why they were so scared. it really wasn’t a big deal, but i didn’t know how else to tell them. sometimes, i’m just afraid
school has become such a chore, striking a balance between studies, relationships and commitments, the limitations of which makes us human.
if only it wasn’t this hard
honestly, i don’t see how the moon can help me much. as much as i’d love to spend the rest of my days dreaming and romanticising and doing, well, pretty much nothing, i don’t think that really is a priority here. it’s time i grew up
sick of people looking me over, pretending that they dont know me, that they dont care. whatever happened to open communication and honest relationships and trust?
having friends bounce off me like i’m an over-charged particle all the time really sucks. the protocol never changes - hate myself for being a screwed up fuck, suck it up, get over it, act like i dont care. most people think i have a heart of stone. some think it’s really cool, others think it’s really rude.
recluding back into normalcy seems like the only way to break the cycle, to belong again. i dont like feeling this way, like i have to care what people thought about me and act on it. it has made me pretentious and vulnerable. i dont honestly think it has made me a better person, if not worse.
most of all, it bores me. makes me a bored and boring person, suppressed by social norms and confinements, incapable of wit. i used to take pride in running my own life, but it seems like times have changed and i had to make room for more important things
this used to be us
i don’t want to remember anything, it’s all numb now. but this is a pretty picture, still, and i miss the days when i could still waste my time on silly things like that. where did those days go, when at least i still knew happiness